am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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