Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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