Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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