he thought i was a dude.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
