My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We need to get me chipped asap
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
