It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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