mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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