how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's blow job season.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
