why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
