Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
