You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
