just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
