She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize