You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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