I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
