If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
