she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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