everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize