Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
