I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
