Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
