I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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