I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
