Can i not drive my cunt home
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
