i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
