I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
