Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
