i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
