I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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