Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
