i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
