I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
