She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
