i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize