I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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