3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
