then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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