My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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