Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
