whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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