every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
