if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
