worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is classic penis vs brain.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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