everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize