I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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