dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize