You made me cry and you don't even care
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
