okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
