I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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