wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
