I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just cropdusted the office
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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