remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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