what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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