I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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