I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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