Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
