I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
