Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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