Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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