if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
