Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
