He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize