why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
