Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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