Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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