I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
