one word: firstdatebathroomanal
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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