The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
