If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize