I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
