Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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