it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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