i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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